I need help removing her.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
