pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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