some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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