dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
