if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize