my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
