WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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