All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
