TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
