I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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