I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
