Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
