Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
