so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
