i just google imaged poop.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
