I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
