I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
