I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately