I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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