Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
