So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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