Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
