How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
