maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
