i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
