I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
