I met the friendliest cop last night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I touched a dick in church today
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
