So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
