And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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