One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
