it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
