just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
