Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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