he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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