We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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