my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
