Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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