I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
