i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
