And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
