It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
