I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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