i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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