she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm both gender and math confused
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
