We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
