...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
