My nipple is on Facebook.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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