guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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