She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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