I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
