If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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