Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize