Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The air was thick with penises
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
