You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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