Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
