There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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