Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
