Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
