I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
