she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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