My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize