seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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