you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
