they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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