Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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