just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
