i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
