small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
