No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
