you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
