there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
