I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
