Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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