I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
