Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
