I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
