I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
