I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
