can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
